Joseph and I began dating the first week of 2011 by late April we were talking about a life together. In mid June I selected a new rental that would be able to accommodate Joseph, Donovan, Joseph's step-daughter, Madison and me, whenever this "family" all came together.
On June 24th while Joseph and I had coffee before work together he knelt down and proposed. He called me Abigail as he had taken to doing. He told me he loved me through his tears and asked me to be his wife. The man who never thought he would marry again. In just a few months God had made us both so certain that He choose us for each other. It didn't take any thought I knew without a doubt. I've known without a doubt. The most amazing thing about my husband is that he walks with God. He hears God's voice, everyday, he checks everything and anything with God and above all else that is what I had prayed and hoped for in a husband. I knew that we could get through any challenge together if we could both walk closely with God's voice.
In August of 2011 Joseph and I traveled to Arizona. He needed a medical procedure and the best doctor for it was in Tucson. We had stopped on the way to visit my sister. We had been talking for weeks about when we would get married. I had been looking at economical ways to have a wedding. We both desperately wanted to have our family and friends together with him in a tux and me in a dress and Donovan and Madison close by. The struggle was that all of these friends and family would have to travel from all over the United States, we knew many could not afford the cost of travel to Alaska, I thought about other locations that people could drive to, and nothing was affordable. Especially since we had accumulated a big medical bill with the procedure and were taking out a student loan for him to do a year of welding school. Accumulating more debt did not sit right with either of us and for weeks it seemed like God had been rather silent with us regarding a wedding. During the trip we prayed and talked and after setting aside our dream of a wedding, God spoke. Since a big to do was out of the question God made it clear 9-10-11. Just about three weeks from the Wednesday morning the we were discussing and praying about timing. We made calls to have a dear friend preside over the ceremony and we each asked a couple that we were close to to be witnesses. It seemed a bit rushed but the peace that God had chosen the date presided over the disappointment of not having the big celebration. In my mind, God was up to something.
Saturday 9-10-11 at Ketchikan City Park Jessica Mathews presided over our vows, which we wrote together earlier in the week. We had, Jim and Katie Parrot and their children, Lisa, Rodney, and Megan Dial and Jessica Mathews, back to the house for cake and they spoke a few words and celebrated with us. Then Joseph, Donovan and myself went to lunch at Cape Fox. The day was sunny and beautiful and of all silly things we spent the afternoon at the shooting range and then came back to the house and watched a movie.
Day 7 of our marriage:
Next Thursday evening as I was getting ready for bed I noticed what I believed was a white head at my bra line, on my chest slightly left of my sternum. I popped and snuggled in with my husband. By morning it was irritated and I thought dang it a zit is really forming. I went to work and as the day wore on it became more tender and red and by the end of the day I went home and rushed to get my bra off which seemed to be making it worse. As the evening passed I was more uncomfortable. Being September it was football season and I felt bad enough that instead of going with Joseph to our friend the Heck's house I stayed home. I wondered what was going on did some internet searching and thought I had a "boil". Now I know that sounds medieval but people still get them. It's a skin infection that is red and various bacteria cause it. I had trouble sleeping that night because it was so tender and couldn't lay on my stomach.
Day 8 of our marriage:
Saturday morning I got up to do chores and go grocery shopping. It was tender and I think I treated it with a hot cloth that morning, as that was a suggested treatment. Joseph had gone off to do some work. He was trying to do side jobs since he was in school four days a week and we needed extra bits of income. His school schedule was such that missing a single day of class could jeopardize the National welding certification that he wanted to have by the end of the two semesters. In Wal-mart about 11 am I suddenly felt so much pain from the location that I had to stop and catch my breath and I got a little light headed. I knew it was best I head home and momentarily thought that perhaps I shouldn't drive and should call Joseph.
I arrived home, took some Tylenol, tried treating with a heating pad and Joseph arrived home a bit later. We tried to press on it hoping to push out some of the infection. I decided to rest and figured if it didn't improve I needed to see a doctor first thing on Monday. But it's just a stupid "boil" right? Joseph went to the Heck's for evening football. I stayed home, he called often to check on me and I assured him not to worry and that I wanted him to enjoy the game. I didn't sleep well the spot was getting redder on my skin and I had trouble laying down or getting up from the pain.
Sunday morning I knew I wasn't going to church, continued the Tylenol and knew first stop on Monday morning was the docs. I couldn't bear the thought of going to the ER for a stupid boil, nor did I want the expense. We don't have urgent care up here so ER costs for an infection seemed silly.
Monday morning I woke with a fever. I began throwing up breakfast at 7 am. Joseph was worried. I was worried. We called the primary care clinic the minute they opened and were told to come in at 845 to see Doctor Lilijegren, complicated name, but good reputation, though I had never seen her before. Joseph called his professor and begged his way out of class that day. The walk into the clinic from the car was hard and the minute I sat down I was throwing up into the trash can in the lobby. They immediately brought me back and laid me in a room. The doctor came quickly and she looked closely and her face said it all this was serious. She pushed on the area, trying to squeeze out the infection and I cried out in pain as I squeezed Joseph's hand. She suggested that she could get me IV fluids and antibiotics there in the office and went to speak to her nurses. Upon her return she said that it would be best to take me to the ER, which is the building next door. I was loaded into a wheelchair and she personally walked with us over to the ER. I was reminded in the moment of the nice things about being in a small town. How many docs would make sure you got right into the ER, for a stupid skin infection...
Now don't forget the location I'm dealing with here and by the time the ER nurse had looked and the second doctor of the day not only was I in pain but feeling like quite the exhibitionist. The ER put me on IV fluids and after some visual inspection the doctor thought it best to get a culture and try to get some of the infection out. I was draped in the room, numbed with Lidocaine and he made about a quarter of an inch incision to give him some room to get the stuff out. Then he began pushing and pushing, keep in mind you have a sternum and ribs and cartilage right there, none of which take kindly to a 200 pound man bearing down on them. After some pain meds, and a full bag of IV clindamyacin. We were sent home about noon with a prescription for Bactrim, pain medication and clear instructions that if the area of redness spread we needed to return to the ER.
My dear husband at this point is being stretched beyond his sanity. When he had a job injury in spring of 2011 he had told me all about his anxiety related to doctors, hospitals and expressed that he didn't know if would be able to handle me ever spending days in the hospital. He said outright that I might have to go it alone, cause he just wasn't sure he could deal with the stress he associates with hospitals.
In the meantime I had called in sick to my office. I don't make a big deal out of what I do but to really understand my story you need to know that in my position I oversee 3.8 million dollars in counseling services. There are over 50 employees and 10 contractors that report directly or indirectly to me. We had enrolled at the time about 90 child clients over 150 square miles. The 90 clients are part of 90 families and so the impact of what we do is far reaching. I take this position very seriously. I am very cognizant that solid leadership is important and as I was only two years into the position we were still in transition, building up staff, creating solid processes and working towards internal stability. At the same time the staff are tremendous, my Executive Director has been there over a decade and when I've traveled and been out of the office before everyone comes together and gets things done. Nonetheless the organization was fragile, but resilient.
I didn't feel much better for the rest of Monday.
(More Tomorrow)
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