Random Stress

How is it that some days the stress seems so intense? I mean life may not be all that different than it was yesterday but for some reason on this particular day the usual pressures seem so much more unbearable. And there's no good reason for it. Sometimes wouldn't it be nice to have some kind of USB socket in my side that I could plug myself into a computer and get a lengthy description of why today things are off? It would be so much easier that way. Then I would know just how to perk myself again. Yet I know the real answer...

Plug into God. I mean if I sat here and waited quietly, listening, praising, seeking, being in His presence it would all right itself. But what do I do in reality: sit tapping my feet, flipping channels on tv, arms folded across my chest, jaw clenched wondering why the stress won't dissipate.

What keeps me from accessing the answer? What's the deal? He has given me everything I need for life and yet I avoid, ignore, even when His spirit prompts me.

Busy

So I'm reading other people's blogs the last few days. They're inspiring, interesting, challenging and it reminds me that I have one. So tonight I go back and look at it and I realize that my last entry was just a couple weeks before God made a dream come true.

Since I started college one of my dreams (I have many, some of which don't seem to fit together) was to oversee programming for children and families. When I attended Focus on the Family Institute I only half-jokingly expressed that I would like to run Focus on the Family someday. Just a week and a half after my October post my boss resigned his position and on November 11th 2009 I was named Interim Program Director. In the 30th year of my life I was blessed with a position bigger than I dreamed would be possible prior to even being fully licensed as a counselor. It was and continues to be surreal. On the first of February I was selected for the permanent position. Amazing, incredible, a beautiful undeserved gift.

What is not surprising is that this place he has ushered me into has pressed me to confront fear in ways I didn't imagine. I am actively and successfully dealing with relationships and complicated situations that scare me to death and He is paving the way, showing me the ropes, guiding my words. It is like living in the middle of a miracle every day. I mean I've made a zillion mistakes already. But for the first time in a long time I'm accepting myself just as I am afraid, uncertain, making mistakes. I don't fret over the mistakes for days, beating myself up thinking I could have done it differently. I am giving myself permission to be a human, in a totally huge and awesome position for which a team of people believed I was ready. And most importantly a God who made the whole universe who knows without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be now.