So far away

I'm crying. I miss my son so much. Telephone calls are not enough. I know for sure that he is exactly where he needs to be but he hasn't lived with me for 11 months now. And prior to that he was only home for a few weeks. It was easier when he was still here in Ketchikan. But now, being a plane ride away, it's just really hard. Since December I've only laid eyes on him for two visits. I want to see him laugh and watch him play soccer and not be calling a locked down facility, getting a ten minute phone call each day. It's just so hard. I cannot imagine how hard it would be if I had actually given birth to him, if I had raised him all 17 years. But it shows me over and over that being a parent can start at any time, with any age child. He's a great kid, with a hard start to life. I love him and I wish that love was enough to turn the tide against the patterns he learned so young. I just want him to grow and learn and make better choices so he can come home and stay home.