Thin

Lately I've been reading all sorts of books on my iphone. But I'm cheap so I only download the free ones which basically means you get a pile of old classics. Which is just as well because most of them I haven't read. When you do read these older books you are introduced to entirely different ways to use the English language. I mean people used words differently and strung sentences together differently. So somewhere in the midst of all this reading I must have come across the concept of feeling pulled thin. It's hard to fully describe until you've experienced it and I didn't fully get it when I read it until this week. I feel a taughtness and a stretching in my emotions and my spirit that are best described as being thin. So much that something falling on me the wrong way might shatter me. But it's not a fragile feeling. I've felt fragile before, this is full of tension and stress. But stress really isn't it either. There's so much on my plate and my routine is off because I am spending so much more time with Donovan and the demands seem higher this week and I could ramble on and on but really I want to be restored. I want to return to the stable, healthy, balanced emotional state and spiritual connection that I have when I feel whole and peaceful and all those good warm fuzzy things. But I could live without the warm fuzzy just a release from the sensation that every bit of me is being pulled at. It's too much.

What say ye, Lord? (It's the old books I'm reading, they write things like that :) Peace, my peace be unto you, my peace I leave with you. I do not give as the world gives. Caleb would be happy it worked. He had us sing scripture on Sunday because that's how they used to memorize it a long time ago and that's what came to mind. I can't seem to remember the last part but that's it. He has left me peace. The Holy Spirit is peace and since the Spirit lives in me then there is peace in me.

Ah! this is it: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. Afraid I'm not troubled yes. His peace wipes out the troubled heart. The Holy Spirit brushes it all away. Oh how truth immediately begins the restoration. Eyes off of earthly trouble and pressure and onto the real bread, the pure truth. It's all easing. Hmm, if it's that simple...but it's not sometimes the agreements are deeper the battle is deeper but tonight it is simple solution and less of a battle. Probably because last night I fought a bigger one. I broke the agreements that I've made and the enemy has less amo to sling against me today.

Oh rejoice my soul. Thank you dear Lord for letting the pressure out of the valve. You know how to heal me and fix me and make me into the loveliest person. So many nice things were said about her tonight and I wonder and hope that the same would be said about me. But I fear not. Wondering doubting...the enemy wants me to devalue myself and I will not succumb. I will not give him what he wants. God is sovereign and I am today exactly as he wants me to be in his imperfect will. Someday in heaven I will be how his perfect will desires me to be. Oh glorious things to look forward to.